Missing Somebody
In the depth of my soul, since childhood, a persistent sense that something is missing. More than anything it is this feeling of an absence that has been my most intimate friend.It is the root of my clownish, buffoonish desire to be close to people, to be liked by them, to be of some service to them.It would be no exaggeration to say that this sense of something missing has been what has driven me to where i am today.
I chase the woman from behind.It would all end if she turned around.If it ends, it ends. And for that very reason, I pursue her. I chase the woman from behind.
I cherish the emotions that arise in each and every situation, even if they last but an instant.I respond wholeheartedly, holding nothing back, regardless of whether i am engaged with someone important, a complete stranger, a woman I love, or anybody else. Women describe this aspect of my personality as sweet. I don't deserve such praise. It is simply that I cannot do otherwise, plagued as I am by anxiety. I am, in fact, a man who may turn heartless in an instant; I desire only to settle each and every score immediately.
Anyone born into this world must at some point consider the nature of things. They begin to feel an intense irritation toward commonplace questions such as the reasons for their presence in the world. The irritation cannot be eased.
Extracted from Next to my heart, close to my stomach by Yohji Yamamoto's My dear bomb
Since after visiting Yohji Yamamoto's exhibition in V&A, I had a feeling like having so many butterflies in my stomach! He is such an inspiring icon for me. His fashion and himself are always calm like a peaceful lake, but if you look more in depth, there are some ripple, which occurred by the most passionate and emotional soul of an artist.
I like the fact he loves to be focused on and absence in order to receive more security. It is so contradicted, but it is so true to me as well.
I remember there is a quote from Yamamoto: "Y's os taken from Yohji's, just like Tom's or John's, I simply wanted it as my brand name, so that i could quietly work in the studio behind it, when i started making clothes, all i wanted was for women to wear men's clothes.''( 1972-1977)
This is such an ambitious and yet ambiguous, paradoxical statement. But I simply just like it.
He wanted himself to be minimal, he wanted his work to be the one who people are talking about, by suggesting women dress in men's style, which is totally controversial.
I was reading this article twice on the train from London, I was utterly touched by it.
The poetic and personal affection of fashion and lives were like a hug that surrounded my body, giving me warmness. It is like walking under the sun while a friendly stranger throws a smile to you.
The second time of reading it is more like.... having lit a fag by a stranger under the sun, without seeing so clearly of the face. The intimacy, that is the word. The intimacy provided by a stranger, a perfect stranger, who you thought you may have had knowing for ages ago, someone you feel hearts are connected secretly. Unfortunately the fact is the more you know, the less intimate it is. Yamamoto's book seems to be revealing his private garden, but there are still 10000 private gardens yet to be known.
I reckon it as a momentary expression. People always change, and having no idea about the future; at the same time people are affected by the surroundings while everything is changing in the world.
Expectation is violence, very bad to health. I would prefer short, momentary, impressive 'projects' in my life. I rather finish working on somethings in a certain period, after that I'd work on the others. Between that I can have a nice break time.
I remember what Yamamoto said, apparently he is very popular among his women acquaintances.
He reckons women(especially young women) are like a pure, peaceful lake in a forrest at first, but when the time goes by, the lake will be full of ducks or whatever sorts of animals. And he always thinks that those
women always said they understand him, he never feels the same. He never asks for that as well as wanting them to understand them.
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